The Lair (Farm) by McKay Emily

Author:McKay, Emily [McKay, Emily]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Group US
Published: 2013-11-05T08:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Carter

After the apocalypse, after you’ve lost your home and your family, after you’ve buried friends, you might think it’d be hard to know where rock bottom is. You might think it’s hard to know exactly when you’re beaten.

It’s not.

Defeat isn’t just being caught. It’s knowing there’s no one else to blame and no one left to fight for. I mean, who was I kidding? Sure, my goals seemed noble—save humanity, right?

But really, I’d only been in it for the girl. All this time that I fought, that I searched Farm after Farm, liberating people, organizing people. I’d done it for Lily. To find her. To keep her safe.

But what was the point? I couldn’t keep her safe. I didn’t get to be with her. And obviously, I was a miserable leader.

Right now, the best thing that could happen for the entire rebellion was for me to get caught. If I was extremely lucky, the Elites would figure out what had happened when they couldn’t contact me, and they’d get the hell back to Utah. If the best that I could hope for was that I was the only one to pay for my mistakes, then I could live with that.

I guess in the end, I was just so effing tired. I was tired of the constant responsibility, of the fear that I might make the wrong decision. That I might have ruined everything. That I might get everyone killed.

If I could have had Lily, maybe I could have made peace with all of that. But without her, what was the point?

It was all so goddamn hard and for once—just for once—I wanted to take the easy way out. I wanted to just lie down and let the bad guys win, because honestly, I wasn’t winning either way. So I might as well just roll over, right?

I walked through the gates of the Farm in handcuffs, my head hung low. It wasn’t the first time I’d come in to a Farm this way, but it was the first time I didn’t have an exit strategy.

Pit Bull led me through the Farm himself, his tranq rifle poking me in the back every time my steps slowed.

Zeke was up ahead, talking to the other two Collabs, guys Zeke greeted as Victor and James.

“If I’d known that’s why he was sneaking off, I never would have let him go,” Pit Bull said, giving me another surly poke.

I slanted a look back at Pit Bull. “You didn’t know?”

Was Zeke’s side trip to Utah something he’d come up with on his own?

“Nah, he just disappeared. If I’d known he had a lead on you, I would have gone with him.”

“On me?”

“Yeah. Who would have thought Zeke could have brought in the great Carter Olson. I never would have thought he had the balls to pull off something like this.”

This little speech tripped me up. “You know who I am?”

“Shit, yeah. You’re one of the most wanted terrorists in the New Republic.”

Again, I stumbled. “Terrorist?”

“The New Republic released the news about a month ago.

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